Man's Search for Meaning

I remember reading Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning for the first time. I also remember reading it for the 2nd and 3rd and 7th and 8th time. I pick it up intending to read but a few pages, and the next thing I know I have devoted an entire day to reading it cover to cover, as I just can’t put it down! But the initial read was one I will never forget.
I had been home from my L.D.S. mission in Berlin, Germany and became fascinated with the history of the place that I had served in for 18 months. Frankl’s story instantly captured my attention. It chronicles his experiences as a concentration camp inmate during WWII, and describes his therapeutic method of finding a reason to live. In the most humbling manner, Frankl explains how mental images, memories, and visions of his wife gave him hope to endure all that he suffered. He quotes Nietzsche's words, “He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how”.
It got me thinking – what is my ‘why’ to live that gets me through my ‘hows’? I get up, do what is required of me, sprinkled with good intentions and God’s commandments, and go to bed. But in all reality, who really gives a shit what choices I make? Do I even care? Sure other people care what happens to me, but is it only me that I care about – or is there a ‘why’ that I care more for?
The more I think about Nietzsche’s statement, the more I realize how selfish my life really is.
I don’t have a ‘why’ to live for.
I sincerely struggle with finding my ‘why’ to live. Sure I love my family. Sure I serve my fellow man. Sure I enjoy work, and learning, and my hobbies. But not one of these gives me reason to live. What an ungreatful little bitch I am, right? But when I am honest with myself…I find not one why I can live for...not even for myself.
Why do I get up in the morning?
--written January 5, 2009