Dear God,

One of my greatest failures as a Christian, has been my inability to pray. Sure I know how, and have done it my entire life, but I have always felt there was a lack of understanding on my part in this ritual.

Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of the world, taught His followers how to pray. It is recorded in the New Testament, that Christ prayed to God in the Garden of Gethsemane. He suffered for the sins of the world and while in agony on the cross at Golgotha, prayed to the Father.

According to L.D.S. belief, Joseph Smith restored the Gospel of Jesus Christ on this earth. His desire to know the true Church of God inspired him to fall to his knees in prayer. And while on his knees in prayer, Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ, who told him that the Church of God had been taken from the earth, but would be restored through Joseph Smith.

The entire foundation of my religious beliefs is based on communication with God. And I can’t seem to figure out the appropriate way to communicate on a two-way level.

I pray to the hope in my head that someone is listening. Sometimes I pray hopelessly. Sometimes doubtful. Desperate for a response. I'm confident my words don’t bounce off my ceiling - there is some higher source listening. But I don’t know if He listens all the time. And I’m not convinced that He is actually the one listening. Why would he? It’s a comforting concept that the Father is listening, but why would He bother? When it comes right down to it, I am baffled by why God wants me to pray to Him, as I have never felt He answers, and quite frankly, God appears quite indifferent to me!
I struggle with life everyday. Everyday! Most of my struggles would seem minute to the average Joe... and unless a boat is about to crash into my house or I check myself into a mental institute, I’m sure He is none the wiser. I ask for His help, and He doesn’t seem to be a part of the answer – good or bad.

So I resolve to make up my own mind. I choose the paths I follow -- For now, there is no great power that is helping me make decisions. It’s just me. And me alone.